So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
