I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
