Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
