i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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