Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
