4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It was confusing and full of hummus
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
