I think I am morally bankrupt
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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