I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
