oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
