I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
