I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
