no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
