Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
