Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
