Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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