Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
