Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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