I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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