Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I forget how to act sober
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
