im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My dick has a subreddit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
