how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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