somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
