I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
