He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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