I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
