just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
