he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
