hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
