There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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