You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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