the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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