She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
