i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
