I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
