whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
