that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
