that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
