margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
