my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
