"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
