i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
