i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
