He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
