hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
