That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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