My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
