did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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