Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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