I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
