Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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