he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
