i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
